


Once Again

by jongsoon



Series: Heartbreakers [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Angst and Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jongsoon/pseuds/jongsoon
Summary: There’s always another side of the story.
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Suh Youngho | Johnny/Reader
Series: Heartbreakers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969732
Kudos: 6





	Once Again

She hurried towards the front door after she heard the bell rang. There's no guest she's expecting that day, nor any special deliveries.

The person standing before the door stunned her. It had almost been four months since they last met.

"Hi." It was Johnny, stopping by after work, she assumed.

"Oh," she was lost for words. Asking how he found her place was unnecessary because it must have been that one informant, Taeyong, their mutual best friend. "What's up?"

Johnny pressed his lips together, gathering his courage as he couldn't read her plain expression. "I need to talk to you. May I come in?" he finally asked.

She nodded and opened the door for him before leading him inside. "Coffee?" asked her, stopping by the kitchen area.

"Yes, please," he tried to flash a polite smile and continued walking towards the couch.

They remained quiet although her tiny studio apartment provided the space for them to converse easily without significant barriers. She decided to focus on making his coffee, which she just realized that his very own coffee recipe had actually become their signature recipe--that she continued making it for herself even after they broke up; Johnny, sitting tensely, was busy adjusting to the new surroundings, quickly scanning for any clue of her new partner's stuffs as a precaution, but nothing seemed so.

He couldn't help to watch her as she walked towards him with his cup of coffee. An intense flashback drowned him into his thoughts immediately.

"Johnny?" called her, already sitting next to him, his cup of coffee on the table in front of them.

Johnny shook his head. "Oh, sorry. I was a bit tired," he rubbed his eyes before taking a light sip.

She shifted on her seat to rest her back, gaze trying to avoid Johnny's eyes as much as she could.

"How's it going?" Johnny opened the conversation. "I heard you resigned."

A smile grew on her face. "Doing well. I... needed a fresh start, I guess. I'm now freelancing while assisting some projects from time to time. How about you?"

"Nothing new, works been crazier instead," he snorted.

"I can tell from your looks."

The hanging silence somehow acted as a cue that something bigger was coming.

"So, what _actually_ brings you here?" she went first.

Johnny fell silent for a moment. "Taeil came to meet me after that day."

It was her turn to grow tense at the mention of his name. Her jaw tightened from her effort to contain herself. She didn't respond but waited for him to continue.

"He explained everything and returned the ring to me."

Her heart nearly stopped beating from his words. "And?"

He sighed, "I can't stop thinking about the actual root causes. It's been me all along."

"What are you talking about?" she frowned, just that time she was finally able to meet his gaze.

"Taeil might've had a good intention to save me from you, but he missed our history," he paused. "He had no idea that I'm the bad guy."

She turned her face to the opposite side, massaging her temple as she rested her arm on the arm rest.

"I was the one at fault. If only I listened to you and cared about you more, things could've been different," he trailed off. "You've been voicing out your concerns, but I barked at you instead. I used to think I've given it all to you, but fancy stuffs couldn't replace my real attention for you."

She took a deep inhale to calm herself down from her own flashback. "What I did is all wrong no matter what the reason is, but those guys made me feel wanted although it's only for my body. It's a toxic cycle I couldn't escape from," argued her. "Did you tell Taeil?"

Johnny shook his head. "Apologizing to you is more important."

"We both made mistakes," she bitterly smiled. "I couldn't stop condemning myself for what I did. I know it's unforgivable, but I just feel like I have to keep apologizing to you until I feel fulfilled. Yet I don't even have the guts to show up before you, nor to contact you for that, ever."

"I...," he bit his lower lip. "I'm sorry for hurting you before. I'm the one who actually doesn't deserve you, not the opposite. I really am sorry," he sighed. "It took me too long to realize it all. I'm sorry."

"Well, at least you're finally able to see it yourself," she coldly stated. "Apologies accepted."

Johnny frowned. "That easy?"

"We're even," she shrugged. "You came to clear this up anyway, right? There's no use for me to make it harder for you. I'm in no place to do such thing now."

"Thank you, I guess," Johnny awkwardly replied, rubbing his nape as he was thinking about what he should do after. "This might sound weird, but do you still keep the ring?"

Her disbelief on what she had just heard caused her to snort in reflex. "Why? You want it back?"

"Uh, I... I didn't mean it that way," he stuttered, cornered by her counterattack. "Just...wondering?"

"No, I didn't sell it, if you're wondering about that," said her, taking out her necklace that has been tucked under her sweater. The old engagement ring was there, acting as a pendant. "In fact, I keep it with me at all time."

Johnny, being not able to hide his surprise, blinked a few times. "You're..."

"I can't wear it on my finger anymore, so," she shrugged.

"I mean... why?" Johnny shook his head as he stared at the necklace, worried if it was only his hallucination. "Why you keep it with you after all the things happened between us?"

"What do you expect?" asked her back.

"Well, definitely not there," he argued. "I know you promised Taeil you're gonna break up with me, but you kept delaying it although you got thousands reasons to do it anytime back then," he shifted on his seat to face her better. "I'm sure Taeil doesn't make any less money than me, so you can't say you're staying with me for what I have. Then, why? It just doesn't make any sense to me."

She looked away from him. A sigh escaped her mouth before she turned back to stare at him. "It doesn't make any sense, you're correct. But what does it mean to you? That after all those things I still keep it with me?"

Johnny stared back at her, trying to assure himself whether what's in his mind was the answer. "No, it can't be."

"I can see it in your eyes, Johnny," she trailed off. "Just say it."

He gulped, nervous. "Do you... still love me?"

"I was frustrated with you, yes, very. Taeil came at the wrong timing and I failed the test once again. I felt like he's my escapement, but the more I got involved with him, the more I see it's impossible for me to hate you. Deep inside me I still love you, Johnny, that much," her glassy eyes looked deeply into his. "And it hurts. I just don't know what to do. After everything that happened, I still love you. I tried to distract myself with Taeil, thinking that I could finally let you go before I got stuck with you in a marriage where I don't feel loved by my own husband, but it didn't work. That's the actual reason why I couldn't fulfill my promise to Taeil. He filled the void, but I couldn't love him as much as I do to you."

Johnny stayed still for a moment before he leaned in to take her necklace off.

"W...What are you doing, Johnny?" his sudden move made her began to panic, wondering if she said something beyond too offensive towards him.

He took the ring out of the chain and held it up in front of her. "Back then I said that third chance doesn't exist. It really doesn't. But for me, this is my second chance and I want to use it well," he started off. "If I ask you once again to marry me, will you say yes for one more time?" his hopeful gaze almost looked begging to her.

She was left agape from the unexpected proposal. Her eyes shifted back and forth between the ring and Johnny. "Before I answer, there's one more thing I need to apologize to you for," she hesitantly replied.

She then opened the small drawer next to her side of the couch, taking a small envelope and passed it to him in silence.

Confused, he carefully opened the envelope just to find some sheets of medical records and ultrasound photos. He swallowed deeply, staring in disbelief at the paper in his hand.

"This is my fifth month," announced her carefully.

Johnny slowly turned to look at her, speechless. Her loose sweater completely deceived him. "Whose?"

"I was already pregnant when I met Taeil. And that time it had almost been a year since I ended my affair with Kun. Conclude that."

He pressed his lips together, frustrated with the breaking news. "You're having _my_ baby, but you're just telling me on the _fifth_ month?"

"If you didn't come here today, you'd probably have no idea that you have a child," she bit her lower lip.

"Why?" Johnny's voice was almost down to a whimper.

She exhaled heavily. "It was already too late when I found out. I didn't dare to get in touch with you after what happened. I expected a difficult journey alone, of course. But looking back at what I did, I deserve to be punished anyway."

Johnny swept his hair backwards before he buried his face on his palms, trying to control his emotions.

"I...I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I failed to take care of our baby in the early days."

The umpteenth round of silence wrapped them. Johnny remained in his last position; she rested her head onto the wall, staring emptily into a distance.

Johnny slowly straightened himself up and turned towards her. "May I...see?" he hesitantly asked.

She took off her sweater, revealing the baby bump wrapped by her tee before she pulled it up just above her stomach.

Johnny's jaw dropped at the view. It was real. He came to apologize, but he got more surprises in return. He subconsciously slid off the couch to kneel in front of her, hands carefully reaching towards her belly.

"Hello, Honey Bee," he softly greeted, gaze stuck at the bump as if he could already see the baby's face.

She couldn't help to giggle at his spontaneous pet name. "Honey Bee? Really?"

"Yes. Please be quiet, Mama Bee. Papa Bee is trying to have an intense conversation here," he sulked.

 _And that's the real Johnny Suh_ , she thought, reflexively smiling at Johnny as he's having his _intense_ conversation with his very own Honey Bee.

"I can't wait to play with you and pull lots of all-nighter because of you, Honey Bee," Johnny leaned in and planted a kiss on her belly. "Grow well, My Love. Suck all Mama Bee's nutrients! No, kidding. Take care of her for me too, okay?" he caressed her bump with his thumb, grinning as he glanced at her.

She stared back at him. Her glassy eyes were trying their best not to shatter. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I should've let you know about this."

"I'm sorry for not trying my best when I could." His hand had moved to cup her cheek as he caressed her that time. He gently pulled her to rest her forehead over his. "You've done well for our Honey Bee. We're proud of you."

Her tears couldn't be hold back by her glassy eyes anymore as they began to drop. "I love you, Johnny."

"Does it mean you will marry me for real this time?" he whispered, slowly pulling himself away to look at her with his hopeful gaze once again.

She confidently nodded, smiling between her tears of joy and relief. "Put the ring back on, Papa Bee. We've got a long journey ahead together."


End file.
